Saturday, 21 February 2015

Rambling || Life is for living, or is it?




It's 2:14am on Saturday the 21st and I'm awake.

I haven't been sleeping well lately, for the last couple of nights I've been up until 3am and I'm not sure if it's because I feel a lot of pressure right now to sort out my life or the fact I eat soup after 9pm or because I drink tea at 2am.

It could definitely be either of those things, however I feel like pressure is playing a pretty big part right now. It's nearing exam time and I know I should be studying, but it's hard to motivate yourself to study when you know when these exams are done you've got another 5 years of education to go, more studying, more exams....more pressure.

I'm a big believer that life is for living but I'm told by the people around me to hold back for now, to study hard, get a degree and get a good job....but how old will I be then? How many years would I have missed? It's hard to be motivated to do something you don't believe in or are not passionate about. If I'm completely honest with you right now I seem to have forgotten what I was once passionate about. What things do I enjoy? What things made me feel good? What did I used to do to pick me up, to put a smile on my face? I'm an empty shell.

Time flies by and I feel like nothing is accomplished. I spend more time fretting over not living than anything else. People tell me I've experienced a lot of things for my age but I want to experience more, I want to do more, see more and learn that way. I don't want to sit and listen to people tell me what famous psychologists, sociologists and business people found or thought, I want to discover it for myself.

But this is all nonsense. I am reminded on a regular basis that without a degree, I won't get a good paying job and without that good paying job I won't be able to 'live'. So I shall struggle through and we'll soon see where I end up.

27 comments:

  1. It's hard to decide what is right for you and which direction you want your life to go in if you don't really have an idea. You have to remember though you can always go back to education if that's what best for you. I also believe university isn't a must, people come out of uni and can't find a job, there are other ways to move up / find your career. Maybe take a gap year travel and complete those experiences you've always dreamed of?

    Amanda / Amanda's Escape

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Amanda!
      At the moment I'm juggling education while doing and experiencing the things I want to do but I'm not sure I'd still be able to do that with university! Thanks for your advice Amanda, I could indeed take a year out!

      Ffion x

      Delete
  2. As someone who has only just finished taking exams, and has been studying since starting high school, the two things aren't mutually exclusive! You can always find a good work life balance and get the best of both worlds. Of course it isn't for everyone, but the feeling when you finally qualify is worth every night spent huddling over the books!

    Sara - www.sunseaandsara.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. At the moment Sarah I go to college, come home, go to work and work all weekend. There is no work/life balance. It's a lot of nights huddling over books and I'm not sure I could motivate myself to do it!

      Ffion x

      Delete
  3. A lovely post :) I definitely fretted over how much time I was spent working and studying and the fact I never seemed to do anything but three years of studying at university or two years at college is nothing compared to the rest of your life :) Rebecca | www.rebeccamariee.blogspot.com xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Rebecca! If I go to university I'd be coming out at the age of 26 and thats 26 years in education. You've gotta admit that's a lot! I don't want to spend my twenty's in university!

      Ffion x

      Delete
  4. This reminds me so much of how I felt- I really wanted to be a solicitor but couldn't bear the length of study, and then during uni wanted to go into teaching but by the end of my degree just needed to get out. Fortunately I've managed to combine learning and work, and went back to uni when I was 27 to carry on. It's worth thinking about your different options, I was at a conference recently listening to people talk about their higher apprenticeship- which is the same level as a degree but you get to earn a salary at the same time- definitely seemed like an option that would have suited me. But yes, take the time to choose what's right for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Debbie! I'm so glad I'm not the only person that's felt like this! I looked at higher apprenticeships but couldn't find anything in the business sector which is the sector I wanted to go into! I'd love to study while earning a salary! I don't know what's right for me!!

      Delete
  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Can't you take a break from education - travel, see the world and figure out what you want to do with your life. You can always go back to education later?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'd love to but what if I don't want to go back? It's scary!

      Ffion x

      Delete
  7. I was going to say what Melissa said. Can't you just take a 9-5 job, just something that pays, take a break from the education and live for a bit. Do the things you want to do, experience the life you want to live, you'll know when (or if) it's time to go back to your studies. Hope you decide what's right for you beautiful xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You and Melissa talk a lot of sense! This is definitely along the lines of what I'm thinking! Thanks Jo!

      Ffion x

      Delete
  8. So much agreement with this post! I worked my ass off to get to where i am now and sometimes I find it hard not to think about all of the things that i could have done if I'd taken another route. I've finally got a job i really enjoy after 5 years of uni and 2 years in the working world but I still can't afford to do anything! I would have loved to have travelled but feel like I've missed out as I haven't - though I've never really had the opportunity to go.

    Fingers crossed things will work out ok in the end :) L xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey L!
      I'm so sorry you feel like that, I'm really hoping I do the right thing and don't end up in a position like yours :( I'm glad you've got your dream job honey!

      Ffion x

      Delete
  9. ah honey,i hope everything works out for you! It is so difficult having to go through all of this just to get to where you hope it will give you better opportunities! It's a long haul and if you can find a happy mix,that would be awesome as you are only young once and being young is the time to enjoy life if you can! If possible,i would take some time out after your exams and decide exactly what you want and whatever you do,i hope it makes you happy! xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I definitely need to start thinking about taking time out to think about what I want!
      Thanks for reading Holly!

      Ffion x

      Delete
  10. I had the exact same feelings as you at 19, and I'm 26 now - I wish I had someone to just sit me down and go "It's okay to feel unsure about life, and it's okay to not know if this is what you want out of it".You're 19 - I know pressure feels massive right now because your life is just beginning, but that's the point; you're life is JUST beginning.

    You're allowed to experiment and fuck up and figure out what you do and do not want, but you'll never know if you box yourself in with self doubt and fear. Take a bit of time away to concentrate on you and the things you want to learn and see, and if you find it's all well and truly different to what you have now, then its never too late to change things.

    Always here if you want a totally random third party to talk to :)
    Jay x

    http://www.thegirlcalledjay.co.uk/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Jay! This is awesome advice and I feel like you get where I'm coming from.

      What did you do in this situation?
      Ffion x

      Delete
  11. I needed to read this.

    These exact same thoughts have been going through my head lately, and it's not comfortable. Here we are, spending so much time and effort studying and working for "the future". But when is that? When does that start? When do we get to start enjoying the benefits? All throughout elementary school and high school, we worked hard for good grades to get into good universities. And now that we're at university, we're working for the next stage. And then the next. And then a spouse. And then a family. And...wait!!! When did we get to just stop and enjoy it?

    I've been trying to calm myself down about things too, but I completely feel the same way - anxious and unsure and like I'm on this train that's just barrelling full-steam ahead. I've learned so much and my opinions and preferences have changed so much during my time at uni that I don't even know what's really "me" anymore. I hear you!

    Someone actually came into my work the other day and as it was my fourth day in a row of working, they asked me "Do you ever do anything fun or do you just work and go to classes?" And you know what? I couldn't even answer them. Pathetic.

    Hang in there, and know that you are so NOT alone. You've got a friend in me and I'm here for you :) Life is a big, scary, confusing-as-hell thing sometimes but everyone does it, so we can too!
    ~ Samantha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Samantha! At least you're at university now so you're kind of halfway there, right? You've pretty much summed up how I feel about everything right now and I'm so de motivated and exhausted with thinking and worrying about this.

      Ffion x

      Delete
  12. It is worth it - especially when you come to travel a little later on. Everyone is unsure, everyone, but education is so very important!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree education is important but for me I don't feel like I could complete my four years?

      Ffion x

      Delete

  13. I’m in love with your blog! It was so interesting to read your posts and also I’d like to say that you have beautiful photos!
    p.s. new post - how I met Victoria Beckham http://www.dianacloudlet.com/2015/02/victoria-beckham-zip-pouch-met-victoria-beckham.html

    Diana Cloudlet
    http://www.dianacloudlet.com/

    ReplyDelete
  14. Tbh, I was the same when studying for my degree. I wasn't mentally simulated. So I started a hobby and that made me happy. Maybe try getting a hobby? You don't need a degree to get a good job. It makes it somewhat easier. .But it is experience that matters and if you are not enjoying it. Take a break and do what makes you happy.

    www.lookwhatigot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Jess. I think I should start a new hobby when exams are over, might clear my mind!
      Thanks for the non bias approach Jess I really appreciate it!

      Ffion x

      Delete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...